the fullb-last show

last night i was at the pineroom in oakville. last night i was at the music centre. last night i was 5 years younger.


the fullblast took the stage for one final goodbye and they made it count.

what made that band so special to me (on top of the fact that they are friends of mine and that i enjoy the music) was that, more then any other band, i could rock out vicariously through them. before fullblast i was in a band with 3/5 of fullblast and it gives me infinite pleasure to have watched those guys continue on playing music and growing into great musicians.

they were living the dream, my dream and it gave me pleasure to no end to bear witness to that. i say that with no regrets over my choice not to pursue life in a band.

so thank you fullblast. you guys are an amazing example of the power that music has. your music brought together so many kids from the 905 and all over canada.

there will never be another fullblast. i think it's better that way.

i get the sense that all the guys are happy with where they are now and with the legacy of the fullblast and i really hope that is the case.

i wish i had some kind of meaning last line to end this post but alas my head is spinning due to lack of sleep so i'm all out.

you.

you'll never know who you are. i've done the math so i can say that with confidence. sorry baby.

our paths have crossed and it was only recently that i really noticed who you are. like a slap in the face i'm taken back to a time when there was another you. you remind me of you. get it?

see, i've loved every you in my life but i haven't loved every you in my life. there was a you that got away. a never was. an almost. a you i will always wonder about.

it's so obvious. you are her. you are you. i bet you've never even been a you before which is a crying shame. anyone would be lucky to have you.

i don't dare do anything to make you MY you. it just doesn't work like that. i will just let it be.

i just hope that one day you realize exactly just who you are. because you're special, even if you don't know it.

bangers and ash

i feel like i'm in the middle of a storm. being tossed and turned, getting my bearings occasionally. we're organizing our first film shoot for a corporate video we're making. it's a hell of a process that involves a ton of work. it's fun work though cause hour by hour you can start to see the vision coming together. it's gonna be funny.

today we're holding our 2nd day of auditions and it's been really fun. seeing the life these guys bring to the characters is fantastic. the process itself is really interesting and different, especially being on this end of things. i've always been the one applying for the job, never the one hiring so it's very cool to see the other side. i'm excited by the quality of actors we have auditioning.

back for more auditions this afternoon, then rush out to oakville for a baseball game. then likely head back downtown tonight for more brain storming/organizing, plus prep work for filming the fullblast show tomorrow night.

this week it never stops.

here's to feeling alive!

ode to wally southern

the world became a little less happy on friday. on that day a mr. wally southern, great grandfather of a good friend of mine, passed away in manchester, uk. i believe he was 99.

about 14 months ago we drove from brighton to manchester so that my friend could meet up with his great grandfather. we were all up for it as it meant an excuse to see manchester (and a quick stop in liverpool) and an interesting experience to meet the man.

we were in for a treat. we didn't have tuesday's with morrie, we had saturday with wally.

i believe first impressions are very important and anytime you walk into a room you have a chance to make a new first impression. i remember waiting by the car round back of the building and i'll be damned if the man didn't walk out there to meet us. i think it was then that we all sensed this would be a memorable day. we proceeded to sit down, 5 of us and wally, and have a fantastic conversation.

he was utterly charming. a laughing, smiling sage with an audience of eager listeners 3 generations removed. his imparted wisdom included a recommendation that the key to life is laughter. seeing the joy his life still contained and the amount of laughter that accompanied it was all the proof i need to believe that.

the conversation was more lucid then i could have possibly expected. he had clear memories of his parents, his first girlfriend and being a soldier in ww2. recalling his favourite meal (in rome, after the death of mussonlini) still evoked a twinkle and a laugh.

wally was an errand boy. that was his first job i think and i believe was a predominant vocation for him. when asked specifically what he did, he replied quite simply 'i helped people. whatever they needed i got for them'. he helped people. that became a theme for him in his life and i think we'd all do well to live with that same mindset.

the world becomes a better place when people make it a better place. that can happen incrementally through millions of seemingly small and inconsequential acts of kindness.

i understand that now that i had a chance to meet wally southern. he was a living, breathing byproduct of helping people. for wally this meant a long and incredibly fruitful life filled with laughter and joy. in wally i saw a man who smiled at the world with genuine compassion and i will never forget that.

this was heightened all the more by the serendipitous nature of the encounter. here we all were, across an ocean, sitting in a nursing home just outside manchester. being that far away from home made the moment all the more memorable.

thank you wally. you provided me with the kind of inspiration i only hope i can pass on to others.

happy days wally, happy days.

writing, righting

why do tennis players always autograph the camera lens after they win a match? don't they know that sharpies are non erase?

i'm finished. i'm done. i am super relieved.

scott rolen t-shirts

i haven't been to a jays game in skydome since i've been home. that means i haven't been to a jays game at skydome in two years. fuck that.

it irks me especially because at the moment i'm looking at the dome. it's funny to think back to two summers ago when i was living here. not exactly ha ha funny, more so a holy shit it's been an insane 2 years and my life is different in some fundamental ways. not least of which is the lack of blue jays games.

ps. tonight i discovered that pay phones in toronto now cost 50 cents. what the shit is that about?

i've seen fire and i've seen rain.

at the library again. what am i doing here?

at least it'll all be over soon.

attempt #2

if i had any control over what's running through my brain i'd be asleep by now.

here's hoping it takes the second time around.

patti boyd

i haven't written anything since shortly after i moved to england. my how things have changed.

i don't know what made tonight the night to break my writers fast but i think it has something to do with patti boyd.

a couples week ago, at the behest of my dad i read eric clapton's autobiography. something stood out to me amidst the enthralling story that is his life. the george harrison-patti boyd-eric clapton triangle is well documented but there was something about reading eric clapton describe the passion he had for this woman that really stirred me. it obviously resonated a lot more with me because of my current situation. i've recently had a long term relationship end and as is usually the case for me, i'm the one having trouble moving on while the former other half has made (or at least appears to have made in my observation) a seamless transition into life without me. i realize i'm getting real here, but...well, this is real and i figure if i'm at least cool to write about it then that says something. needless to say my mind is all over the place and reading a first hand account of such an intense relationship really hit me.

as it happened i was in oakville's central library picking up some books for something i was working on (which is in itself a funny twist of fate) and what should catch my eye? a patti boyd autobiography. so i absolutely devoured that...with my eyes. another story of passion. her account of the affair and ultimate marriage to eric clapton is more tempered than his. her passion was mainly for george.

either way, it's put me in a weird place. a lot of things have.

it's funny, just under three months ago i was in geneva by myself doing a lot of thinking about the upcoming move back to canada. i thought there would be some aspects of the transition that would be tough, but never in a million years did i anticipate the direction my life would take.

i'm going to go to bed while i'm still coherent.